I’ve boned four sisters–in–law and three baby mommas’ best friends during this lockdown.
Therefore, I don’t have much to complain about.
Days before the second lockdown, I shared with you styles to use in lockdown, but today, am to tell you of the joy I may not have gotten had it not been for the lockdown.
Husbands, it’s important to dance your sisters-in-law when they over visit your home.
This I say out of experience. Lots of sisters – in – law, don’t actually visit to see their sister, but rather her man.
When our dear leader declared lockdown in March 2020, lots of people rushed to places they were sure of getting food and comfort.
My sisters–in–law, Kevina, Teo and Juliana left their homes and ran to their sister Grace Abwooli, my baby mama in Hoima.
Juliana and Teo are married in Kampala whereas Kevina mbu worked in Nansana.
They arrived around 3 am. At around 11 am, when Grace Abwooli whom, I call Abwooli and she calls me Atwooki, (you see, in Bunyoro it’s an insult to call a spouse by their name, either her empako or her child’s name as in mama X. The only time names come out is when we are quarrelling)
called and informed me as the man of the house. The exact words she used were, “your wives Teo, Kevina and Julianna are here.”
Their being around over wasn’t news, because it’s like they spend half of their time in my home.
On asking if they had not brought us Covid19, Abwooli handed the phone to Julaina such that she would explain.
“Hello husband, we came but you are no where to be seen…..we are here dying of coldness,” she said.
Thinking she was flirting, I replied saying, Abwooli should give them the extra winter blankets in the closet.
“Hear him! Husband, we left them in our homes, it’s you we came for,” she scoffed. I promised to go as soon as I could.
Handing back the phone to Abwooli, I asked about the food which was low and I immediately reinforced it. Off phone, I thought to myself “now they are going to eat all the eggs.” My wife and I run a poultry business.
Now being one of the lucky few citizens who had unlimited travel access, I travelled to Hoima. My plan was to avoid Grace Abwooli’s place due to the crowding. Her sisters were in another bedroom, but we don’t have a ceiling yet Grace Abwooli is a tumbiza sound.
But as I went around my errands, I bumped into her only for her to glue herself on me. So off to home we went. Once at home, she reported me to her sisters for neglecting her. “Can you imagine he has been in Hoima for a while, but never even called to inform her. He doesn’t love me and my people!”
Two days later, Grace Abwooli travelled to see her friend who was sick, she left me at the mercy of her sisters, who served me lunch at 1 pm sharp, whereas Abwooli serves it at 3 or even 4 pm.
While having lunch, a news anchor on radio talked of a wife who fought with her sister, after nabbing her red handed with her husband on a banana plantation.
Kevina the stubborn one of the trio jumped in and declared the man to be sharp, “not like this our useless brother–in–law.”
I replied saying I was used to their teasing, only for Kevina to say, I wasn’t as sharp as I looked.
“Three belles bring themselves to your home, eat your food and other resources and you don’t even try to bone one of us and you call yourself a man!”
At that point, Juliana jumped in asking if she should give me a dress. “Maybe we are ugly,” Teo jumped in with her soft voice only for Juliana to rebuke her saying “a real man isn’t selective……he bones all that crosses his path.”
I replied telling them not to kugaya ekyezinze because of even egongolo bites. “Now let it bite and we see,” Teo giggled. Mind you, their sister who had lured me here was even under Eva’s curse.
Thinking they were flirting, I told them how I could bone all three of them and even go for their other sisters. “Weak people with self-praise! We are here……you’ve never even touched one of us and you’re busy kwepikila the whole clan!
Our sister even made you a path by going away….on pretext of visiting a sick friend so that you can enjoy yourself, but you’re here kuloba.”
I challenged them to remove their bloomers and I show them to fire. Juliana removed it and threw it at me so did Teo and Kevina pulled up her dress and said, “Not wearing one” that she had removed it when I arrived because she didn’t want to kunkalubiriza.
Meanwhile, deep inside I was, “oooh God! These belles aren’t joking.” Part of me suggested I run off but another part said show them fire.
“Who do I start with?” I asked and Juliana was, “start with any”. Kevina jumped in saying I start with Teo the youngest then Juliana and end with her.
To which Teo was “ssshh! Let him start with you the oldest and ending with the youngest.” Juliana solved the problem by grabbing Teo by the hand-pulled her to the bedroom. I was busy laughing when Juliana said, “don’t just laugh, go nail her.”
They closed us in the room. “If she disturbs you call us,” Kevina shouted. Without much ado, I undressed Teo pinned her on the bed then undressed. She jumped off the bed on seeing the black viper.
She ran to the door banged it and begged them to open. “I can’t handle this animal…it’s too huge……Kevina – you come.”
Only for Juliana to reply asking if it was bigger than a baby’s head.
After undressing, I carried Teo to the bed and did her thoroughly.
Next, was Juliana and concluded with Kevina. Since, Abwooli wasn’t to return, I took turns on them. Doing all styles to find out who was the sweetest.
We made merry until morning. I was very tired and spent the whole day in bed. Little did we know two of my bullets had entered Kevina’s womb. Or one spilt one of her seeds.
Then two days to Eid, I nailed my wife’s best friend, but that’s a tale for another time. If lockdowns have been good to you in that department, share with us as well.
Till then, I remain yours truly, Mr. Hyena