Boundaries are essential to healthy relationships and healthy life. Setting and sustaining boundaries is a skill. Unfortunately, it is a skill that many of us don’t learn. We might pick up pointers here and there from experience and through watching others.
But for many of us, boundary building is relatively a new concept and a challenging one. Having healthy boundaries mean, “Knowing and understanding what your limits are”. You don’t have to chase after your spouse to prove your love or hit up your head when he comes back home late.
Below, she offers insight into why you need to have boundaries. You have the right to end any relationship that is not right for you. People often believe they have to hold onto every relationship, even toxic ones that make them feel lousy.
People are meant to add to your life, not make you feel stressed, frustrated and aggravated every time you see them. If you have a toxic relationship, you can work with that person to create a healthier relationship.
Do what makes you happy
People who are unhappy may discourage you from doing what makes you happy. Don’t allow this! Set a boundary within yourself that you are going to do what makes you happy. Life is too short not to live the life you want.
Take care of your situation
Once you master taking good care of yourself in every situation, your life will never be the same. Make a commitment to set a boundary within yourself that from today forward, you will do everything in your power to fully take care of yourself all the time.
Don’t try to fix people
Fixing others is a way of trying to get love, attention and validation. This is a total waste of your time and energy to try fix them because they are not interested in becoming any other way than they are. And the fact is you certainly don’t need fixing from self serving people who want to tell you what to do and what is good for you.
Trust others who earn your trust
If someone expects you to trust them right away, you can set a boundary by saying, ‘It is important for people to earn my trust, so be patient with me.’ If you are starting a new relationship and someone expects to trust them right away, then this is an unrealistic expectation.
It takes two years to know someone. Some people are on their best behavior for the first eight months. Most people who believe they can automatically trust someone are often very disappointed. You forgive yourself and forgive others. Forgiving yourself and others is a must for your emotional freedom. No one on earth can make you do this. This is a gift only you can give to yourself.
When you forgive yourself for past mistakes, then you will be on your way to experiencing greater inner peace and joy. When you forgive others, you are setting yourself free from allowing people to continue to negatively affecting you. Set a boundary within yourself that you will work towards forgiving yourself and others.
You are in charge of your choices
You have a right to change your mind and direction anytime. You don’t need to feel you owe anyone anything more than you want to give with your free and conscious heart. Anyone who mistreats you is disrespectful of your wishes.
Separate yourself from others
It may be difficult to imagine emotionally attached to others while remaining psychologically and intellectually detached. This means that you are able to separate your thoughts, feelings and beliefs from others. You understand that your boundaries are different from others.
Heed the warning signs
Stay away from anyone who has his or her own agenda and thinks nothing of pushing the limit of invading your space for their own end. This is not a hard thing to recognize since there is usually not much subtlety involved.
Develop a healthy respect for yourself
All of your experiences, including the mistakes you have made help to shape your character or who you are. No one besides you, no matter how persuasive they may be, can define you or try to control who you are. When you respect yourself, even others will treat you with respect. If they don’t, that’s a clear sign not to engage.
Take responsibility of yourself
This means to become aware, to develop the capacity for active conscious involvement, to know what needs to be done for you. By setting your own boundaries, you are telling others how want to be treated, in other wards you are setting your limits about who can come into your space and what you expect of others once they are there.
People who feel stuck and unhappy in their lives may feel uncomfortable knowing that you are working towards loving yourself and your spouse. Your actions stir up their hatred. You have the right to fully love yourself and others. When you accomplish this goal, happiness and peace will reside in you beyond your wildest dream. If someone discourages you from loving yourself and others, set a boundary within yourself.