HYENA | RedPepper – I was beaten to near death and my car vandalized by my stepchildren who didn’t approve of my servicing their mother.
Indeed, what an adult sees while squatting, a child may not see even when standing on the highest tree. Otherwise, Kabutemba’s children wouldn’t have interfered with her happiness.
I really don’t know why children, especially sons get jealous when they see their mother in love. Seriously, a parent is still a human being with warm blood just like his/her children.
Anyway, it all started mid-2018 when I received a call from Kerren one of my bonkmates, I had not seen her in over three years. The last I heard she was married and living on a farm in Sembabule.
We got chatting, “Eeeh Kerren – you broke my heart, I was planning on marrying you only to hear you were wedded,” I played a heartbroken. “So now some other dude is swimming in my el – Nino,” I said.
To all that, Kerren accused me of not being serious that she gave me all the opportunities, but I didn’t use them. She promised to give me ko on her next travel to Kampala. “That day you will be free to relocate it from its current location to any other place you wish.
We never had important stuff to discuss, it was always silly pass time talk. Like a month went by, by then one day as well chatted, Kerren said “maybe, I hook you up with my mother in law and you chew her?”
I declined on grounds of; ‘I don’t chew old cargo when I had spent the previous night with a woman in her late fifties.’
Kerren remarked casually, that “she ain’t old. Okay, she doesn’t look old. She has money and a lot of water. Even long twin towers, hers are way longer than mine.”
To that revelation, I said, “ take there! Now you’re saying she has water and mega flip flaps to entice me. Are you lesbians that you did lesbo stuff and saw her water?”
In response, Kerren said, “Hyena, your problem is you argue a lot. It’s me that’s telling you. She is an old school pure Muhima. I’ve bathed with her countless times and seen her flaps. If she doesn’t have el – Nino, I will hang myself.”
She then went on to say, “ chew her and we eat her money. She has a lot of cows, but she is mean. She doesn’t give me. But she gives her men. Her last guy detoothed her a lot of money, he built a big commercial house and bought my car. Yet he was sexually weak.
Am sure with your strong delicious skewer, she will reward you with a skyscraper-like Mapeera House.”
“So my skewer is delicious?” I inquired to which Kerren replied, “VERY……KALE I MISS IT A LOT. IT’S ONE OF THE FEW THINGS I MISS THE MOST! The day I come there, you will not sleep because I want you to do me until morning.”
Next was Kerren assuring me that if I get between her mother–in–law’s legs money taps would flow and she wanted a commission of one million shillings.
Thereafter, she gave me, the target’s phone number. “She usually sells cattle in the weekly market so, when you call claim she gave you the number while in the market……she is very brown and somehow tall, but not very, am taller than her. You get it?”
Kerren promised to monitor and keep me updated. “Won’t you get jealous?” I asked to which she replied saying in their culture, they don’t get jealous. “My husband bones his brothers wives and his brothers, uncles and closest friends do me too. Jealous is for you not us.”
As soon as Kerren got off the phone, I called Kabutemba, her mother – in – law and introduced myself. Then spent like three minutes on formalities after which I started vibing her.
“You gave me your number in the market the other month, but I’ve been up and down hence not calling you right away,” I lied and then told her how I had seen and fallen in love with her.
On hearing that, Kabutemba asked how old I was, the answer to which was “old enough to be with a woman.”
She replied lecturing me on how she wasn’t the kind of woman who plays around with small boys. Therefore, I should delete her number and look for other victims.
Now it so happened she was alone with Kerren in the rugo. That’s the word for the compound. After the call, she wondered who was it that was playing with her. Her first suspicion fell onto the local idle boys in the trading center.
Kerren cheered her saying maybe it was a Romeo, truly in love with her. Kerren advised her to test the guy and meet him. “I don’t have time for men. After what Kairutu did to me, I now only have time for my cattle. Unless he wants me to detooth him!”
At the next chance, Kerren advised me not to give up. “She will accept. She’s only being cautious,” she said.
Two days later, Kerren texted informing me, the target was alone, so if possible, I should call, which I did right away.
“Hello it’s me, Hyena from the other day,” I said.
Kabutemba said, “it’s you again. But if you’re one of the boys in this village or surrounding villages, I will skin you alive.”
I assured her, I wasn’t. “Okay. On Saturday, am supposed to wash my cattle, if you want to continue chatting with me, but for me medicine that washes cattle. If you can’t don’t ever call my number again.”
One little bottle ranges from six to twelve thousand shillings. This is money that could be better utilized looking after my offspring.
But like they say, “omuchakaze tatya galama!” Investing in a litre of medicine could reap lots of things. First and foremost, I was to bone a mother–in–law of my side dish. Mind you the connector being the daughter–in–law, that would not only be a tale on earth but the entire universe.
That considered, the easiest formula of sending the medicine was via mobile money such that she would go to a shop closest to her and buy it, but that wouldn’t be romantic.
Through mobile money, there would be little contact between us. The romantic way was to take it myself or send it via courier. So, I asked where she wanted it delivered. On hearing that, she asked where I was, the answer to which was Kampala.
“Put it on the taxis to Ntusi. Tell them to put it at Narongo Kekibuga’s restaurant. All taxi people know her,” she said. Off to buy the medicine, I hurried, after which I spiced up things by dropping into a supermarket-bought her Basmati rice, two tins of biscuits and other groceries. Then hurried to the taxi park and sent them as directed.
The following day at about 10 am, it was her that called. “Hyena, my friend, I received the things. Thank you very much…..may God bless you. These biscuits are very delicious,” she said
Then in the background, I could hear her tell the kids to leave her biscuits alone, that they should go buy their own. “Am going to keep it in my bedroom,” She vowed, while one girl was pleading, “mama add me just one.”
Like an hour later, Kerren called informing me how Kabutemba was mesmerized.
“If you lived near, you would have nailed her today. She even confided in me the source of the goodies. Nail her and we eat her cows,” she said.
From that day, she relaxed. I didn’t hide my marital status. I only lied about the number of children.
“Two girls and three boys from two women.”
Like two weeks after I had sent the goodies, she invited me to Ntusi for a face to face meeting. I counter invited her to Kampala. She readily accepted. So two days later, Kabutemba came to Kampala from where I spent four days showing her why the sun raises from the east and falls to the west.
Kabutemba was tantalized by my stamina. She declared me a lion. From that day, every two weeks, she would come for servicing. One time, she came with a cool five million shilings and handed it to me for safe keeping. I gave Kerren one million.
Mwah and Kabutemba spent a whole month in various hotels chewing ourselves like every hour.
Her love for yours truly had now reached her kawompo. Like five days after she returned to her farm, she begged me to go visit her. “Please let’s balance our love with the farm. I want you to come over. Each time I travel, my sons spoil my things.”
Several days later, she sent me five hundred thousand shillings for fuel. Off to Sembabule, I went. To her children and closest friends, she introduced me as her special friend who she’s been traveling regularly to see.
Kerren acted like she had never seen me before. Five of her nine children, especially the boys were shocked and fumed upon seeing mama led a youthful none Hima man into her bedroom.
The following three days, Kabutemba constantly assured me that the children would warm up to me. The girls and two youngest boys did warm up. Thanks to my ride and toys, I had brought them.
Kerren kunsitamira at any given opportunity and on the second day, when Kabutemba and others had gone to attend a burial, I served Kerren in a bush.
After four days of making merry, I returned to Kampala. Later on, Kerren called informing me of how her husband and other boys had quarreled with their mother. Accusing her of a shaming them.
Now Kabutemba despite being a mature mother of eleven children, her libido was very high. In her own words, she told me how she couldn’t get enough of my sweet stick.
After a week, she came to Kampala where I spent three days drilling her. At intervals, she would ask me why I started something, I couldn’t finish.
She asked me to stand like a man among our children. That by being a round them, they would get used to me and eventually love me because am a very loveable person.
So off to Sembabule, I drove with Kabutemba, sitting next to me. We arrived around 7pm and after supper, we went to the master bedroom to rest.
Kumbe, her sons had been drinking and mobilising their pals to help them chase me. Kabutemba resisted on grounds of me being their new father. That if they didn’t like me, they were free to leave.
Kerren’s husband hit me with his enkoni and others joined in. Kibokos, screams and shouting plus crying followed. I was beaten black and blue, by the time the LC1 Chairman arrived with the police, they were about to torch my car.
I was rushed to Masaka hospital where I was admitted for several days and also managed to chewed two nurses on duty. Details of that are a tale for another time.
Till Then, I remain yours truly, Mr.Hyena.