I don’t use juju or money to entice exceptional belles, as lots of people think, but the truth is, it’s my natural talent.
Over the years, I’ve chewed belles, who up to now still wonder, what came over them to give me ko. Those belles are either very important people or daughters or wives of very important people.
Back then, when I lived in Namasuba, I outwitted a team of horny guys who up to now want me to share with them the juju, I used to entice pretty princess Vivian.
Those days, I was still very broke. Therefore, when it came to vibing belles, I was bottom of the food chain. Yet, I usually beat loaded peers, or even share their belles. At first, I too didn’t notice it, but my mates complained about it.
Now, my mates and I used to play soccer on the weekends. Back then, there was no Dstv and other popular weekend entertainments we enjoy today. Lots of chicks would come to watch us play soccer and we would vibe and chew them afterwards.
Rich players usually got the pretty ones and we the broke lads took their leftovers. As we followed that status quo, along came pretty princess Vivian. She was very brown, well endowed and loaded.
She was so perfectly beautiful, I am sure some angels were jealous of her kicks. Pretty princess Vivian happened to be a soccer fan, so when she moved into the area, she and her cousins came to watch us play. Guys watched her more than the ball.
At half time and at the end of matches, rich guys sang about their wealth. “My dad has ….etc. My uncle is in Germany… wants me to go live with him. My Mom bought a sack of money for buying onions and other groceries,” my mates bragged, in their bid to attract Vivian’s attention.
As usual, the rich lads wasted no time in putting in their proposals. Vivian would listen attentively and conclude with things like, “I have heard, but am not interested.”
For like three weeks, she dominated all discussions, guys vowed to do everything to get her. Competitors even blackmailed themselves. One would secretly go to her place and tell her of so and so’s evil deeds.
I have always been a toes and fingers man. I love them pretty well. So whereas guys were proposing and promising her heaven on earth, I observed her toes. I assured her of their beauty and complimented them.
“You have very beautiful toes,” I said. “No they are not,” Vivian shot back, before going on to say she didn’t like them. However, I assured her of their beauty.
“Even your fingers are very beautiful,” I added. “Really? Let me accept because you have said it. Thank you,” she replied. That conversation lasted barely three minutes, but endeared me towards pretty princess Vivian . Of course, I didn’t know it right away.
But one Sunday afternoon, something so unusual happened. Pretty princess Vivian came up to me and said, “Hello Hyena.” I didn’t know she even knew my name. I said hello too, and she volunteered to watch over my clothes. After the match, she asked me to give them a push back home. I was very tired, but this was an opportunity I couldn’t miss.
So off we went. It was Vivian, her cousin and her guy . And along the way, she asked me serious questions, such as, how many girls I had.
Now as luck would have it, the last chick I had who came to the kasawe as the playground was called, had disappeared like two months back. So, I didn’t officially have a chick that came to the playground. So, my answer was, “I am not into girls yet.”
She immediately asked me why. I replied that, “I first want to make money, then build a home and I look for a girlfriend.”
We escorted them all the way to their gate. Pretty Vivian gave me a hand shake and back home, I walked. Only to find all the guys waiting for me.
They all demanded to know if I was vibing the pretty princess. “No”, being my answer only for them to demand to know what it was we were talking about. “Nothing! Just talking,” I answered. Kyasa, Oscar and Sirugambo employed me as their post runner. “You will kwana her for Me,” they said almost at once. They promised to cater for all my bills, Kyasa even forgave me the seven thousand shillings debt I owed him.
That night, I didn’t bathe. I went to bed so dirty because I feared that if I bathed, I would wash off pretty princess Vivian’s perfume, which was in my hands.
Next day, Vivian and her cousins returned. Once again, she came up to me and this time referred to me as her friend. “Hello my friend,” she said.
After formalities, she picked interest in my walkman only to be mesmerized by the romantic, sentimental songs, I was listening to.
When ‘ You is My Heart, You’re My Soul’, Played, Vivian made me listen to it twice.
“I love that song very much,” she confided in me, before going on to ask if I knew Maywood’s ‘Am in love for the first time.
That would be like asking today’s youth if they know the Tumbiza sound. We spent several minutes discussing music. Vivian did most of the explaining. Because back then there was no internet, news trickled in through word of mouth or magazines.
Meanwhile, guys were being nice to me. Oscar even suggested making me the team captain. Others jibed at me, “Hyena, you didn’t leave your wife money to buy mukene and cassava flour. Hyena, did you take your STD drugs? Hyena, your pregnant girlfriend is looking for you,” they said.
They almost killed Vivian with laughter. Once again, after the match, I gave Vivian a push. Along the way, I felt like conning her, but somehow feared she would not accept.
So, I held my tongue and settled for just friends. But half way to her home, she said that she was to come to my place to bring me the magazines.
I almost got a heart attack. My place was a dirty shack. I used old car seats as my sofas. On the walls were plastered old newspapers.
And there wasn’t much apart from the music tapes, photos and knickers girls had left behind.
Despite Vivian not being my girlfriend, instinct told me to clean up and so on getting home, I cleaned thoroughly.
Hiding the suitcase full of knickers and photos in Caputo’s house, the night was very long. As a matter of fact, it was one of the longest nights in my life. I was up most of the night wondering what to do or say to or with the pretty princess. Then came morning, between 7am and 11am when she and her cousin arrived, was the longest time.
Time stood still, a minute was stretched to like an hour. Each time checked, It would still be the same time.
Then finally, I heard her cousin’s unique voice say “Hello madam.” And Mama Robert was like “hello.” “We are looking for Hyena’s place.” And Mama Robert was like, “hyena…you have visitors!”
She then pointed to my room. “Thank you,” Pretty princess said as they walked towards my door. The following three hours were spent checking my room like it was a crime scene. Questions of why I looked at the chick like that in the photos were asked as well.
“Why did she touch you like that? Why did you hide her photo behind another photo?” I was literally being interrogated. I passed all the tests and four days later, I chewed pretty princess Vivian in her bedroom. I thought we would keep our love a top secret but after chewing ourselves like five times, Princess Vivian decided to announce it to everyone when she ran to the pitch and kissed me.
Guys who had tried a lot to nail her, guys who thought they had better chances than me couldn’t believe it. They concluded that I had belle charming juju. Kyasa demanded his seven thousand shillings he had cancelled. Oscar begged me to share with him the juju, I used to charm her. As I was denying him juju, along came another extra ordinary beautiful Sheila Nakayenga-who was as well fell in love with broke mwah. Details of that are still loading.
Till then, I remain yours truly, Mr. Hyena