SWEET OR RAW DEAL? Absa Swallows Stanchart’s Loss Making ‘Retail & Wealth’ Unit — Customers, Workers Left in Panic!

A major banking bombshell has hit the financial streets of Kampala — Absa Bank Uganda has gobbled up the struggling retail and wealth wing of Standard Chartered Bank Uganda!

The shock deal, sealed on Friday at Stanchart’s head offices, marks the end of an era for one of Uganda’s oldest banks, which has finally thrown in the towel on its loss-making retail operations after years of dwindling performance.

Under the agreement, all Standard Chartered’s retail clients and employees will shift to Absa, as the British banking giant retreats to focus on big-money corporate and investment banking.

The signing ceremony was witnessed by big names from both banks — Stanchart Uganda’s Board Chairperson Maria Kiwanuka, CEO Sanjay Rughani, and Absa Uganda Managing Director David Wandera, alongside Stanchart Kenya & Africa boss Kariuki Ngari and Absa Group’s Africa Executive Charles Russon.

Ngari admitted the move was part of a “global clean-up operation,” saying Stanchart wants to focus on areas “where we’re most differentiated and can create the greatest impact.” Translation? — the retail side wasn’t making enough money!

Absa, on the other hand, is popping champagne! “This acquisition is a significant milestone,” beamed Absa boss Wandera. “It brings new customers, new colleagues, and strengthens our ambition to dominate Uganda’s retail banking space.”

Industry insiders whisper that Stanchart’s retail arm had been bleeding cash amid fierce competition from aggressive local players like Centenary, Stanbic, Equity, and dfcu — leaving Absa to swoop in for what one banker described as a “sweet bargain.”

The transaction now awaits regulatory nods before Absa fully absorbs Stanchart’s retail operations.

If all goes smoothly, Absa will officially become the new home for hundreds of former Stanchart customers — as the old British lion limps back to its corporate den.