RAW HUMOUR! Nyangoma’s Sweetness Almost Forces Mr Hyena To Confess Affair To Baby Mama Nyakato
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There are chics I chew and almost go home and tell my wife. Some chics are obscenely sweeter than alphabetical words can explain. I chew them and feel tinglings sparkling throughout my body. Like Hellen, my baby mama’s sister. I almost told her sister how sweet she is.
Having told you that, allow me to share my greatest worry as well. It’s highly likely that I will never step foot in heaven. The reasons being that God has let me enjoy so much here on earth, or reason two being that I’ve misused my powers on earth in terms of chewing so many chicks, yet religion only allows us to chew at most four.
Back here in Hoima, I had a baby mama called Nyakato who jointly ran a restaurant with her mother and twin sister, Hellen.
It’s like God has allowed this restaurant to exist so that I chew all its staff. Each time they employ a waitress, I’m usually among the first guys to bone her.
Besides cohabiting with Nyakato, I was secretly chewing most of the waitresses they employed. And by some people’s standards, I should have been satisfied. However, greedy as my animal is, I kept on lusting for more.
Nonetheless, I avoided my sisters-in-law, those being Nyakato’s sisters and cousins. But then the second COVID lockdown brought Hellen, Nyakato’s twin sister, onto the scene.
They don’t look at all like sisters, let alone twins. Whilst Nyakato looks like Cindy Sanyu, her twin sister Hellen can be mistaken for Shasha Brighton in ordinary life. Being a warm-blooded creature that I am, I instantly fell in love with Hellen.
But I thought it was lust. Lust is like morning dew. At some point, it dries. My feelings for Hellen grew stronger by the day. But I couldn’t dare utter a word in that regard.
And it was as if Hellen had been pulled aside and told to avoid me at all costs, because she didn’t behave like most of my sisters-in-law.
Hellen never said anything beyond greeting me. She always put on an angry face, somehow seemed to be out of place or not happy with me being on the same planet as her. Other times, I would think she missed her previous life in Fort Portal.
It turned out Hellen’s choices of clothes were the kind that brought out all the sexy curves of her figure. And I always noticed. But I feared directly begging her. And I couldn’t even send anyone to beg on my behalf.
So there I was, stuck between a rock and a hard place. So many times, I chewed Nyakato and other belles while fantasising about Hellen. What I didn’t know was that Hellen also lusted for me. And like me, she couldn’t dare confess her feelings.
At this point, let me tell you that I grew up hearing men say, “abakazi tubatiisa maaso… but all are the same, and the words which kwana cheap and classy ones are the same words.”
But how in all the world could words that kwana a cheap belle from my ka-village be the same as those that kwana a king or president’s daughters?
So I thought those men had not seen all chicks before coming to that conclusion. How naive I was!
One evening around 9:30pm, as I chilled with some lads, I saw Hellen walk towards us and I was instantly possessed by some force that ordered me to stop her and beg her.
All day, I had been feeling horny and had danced two chicks, but hadn’t been satisfied.
Anyway, I broke off from the guys and stopped Hellen. After formalities, I begged her for her phone number, reasoning that there were times I wanted to talk to her but found it hard because I didn’t have her number.
In response, Hellen told me she didn’t have a phone, something I found hard to believe. But it was the truth because I had even searched for it in Nyakato’s phone in vain. All the times they spoke on phones, Hellen used someone else’s phone.
Next, I begged her to accompany me to town because there was someone I urgently wanted to see.
Hellen put up some resistance, saying she didn’t have time and that she had issues to attend to.
“Please help me, it will only take less than ten minutes,” I said in the sweetest possible tone.
But Hellen was, “Maybe some other time.”
I couldn’t help but regret stopping her.
“What was I even thinking?” I silently regretted.
“Please and please… you will attend to those issues tomorrow or later,” I pleaded before asking her if I had ever asked her for anything before.
“No, you’ve never,” was Hellen’s quick answer, which gave me the guts to say, “Then do this for me. I promise I will never ask you for anything else.”
Mind you, I was kind of trembling.
Anyway, Hellen said yes, and I was, “Thank you so very much. May God bless you abundantly.”
Next, I asked her to cross the road and walk towards the fuel station where I would meet her in a heartbeat.
Hellen did as I ordered. As she crossed the road, I thought she would continue to her earlier destination, but then she walked in the direction I had suggested.
“She’s finished!” I declared.
Of course, going where I wanted to go didn’t automatically mean she would give me ko that evening or any other time.
So I decided to switch off her sense of reason when I ran to a phone shop and asked Hakim for a smartphone. I paid him and ordered him to make the receipt in Hellen Nyangoma’s name.
Next, I searched for a bike to help execute my mission. Some lad gave me a boda, and off to catch up with Hellen I hurried.
She had passed by the fuel station when I caught up with her. She climbed on the bike and towards Hoima City I rode.
But after getting away from the lights of our town, I branched off the main road into a village road, claiming there was someone I had to pay nearby.
After riding for about two hundred metres, I stopped and begged Hellen to get off the bike so that I could pee. She did as ordered, and so the both of us got off the bike.
I handed her the new phone, which was in its box.
“You said you don’t have a phone. That’s yours,” I said in a polite tone.
She replied, asking what it was. But since she was opening it to see, I didn’t answer.
“Iiiiiiiii… OMG!” Hellen screamed in disbelief.
She spent several minutes checking it, then knelt down and thanked me from the bottom of her heart.
“Thank you, my sweet mula,” she said. I could feel the excitement in her voice.
Next, I told her, “There is a favour I need to ask from you. But whatever the outcome, I won’t take back that phone because I’ve given it to you willingly.”
Hellen replied, accusing me of scaring her.
“For a long time now, I’ve been loving you. But I fear you,” I said.
And Hellen was, “No, please, in-law, don’t start those things.”
To which I was, “I’m sorry, and I’ve tried to avoid it, but I’ve failed. I love you so much.”
Only for Hellen to ask if I wanted her sister to kill her.
To that, I replied by asking if she would go and tell her sister.
“No,” being her answer, prompting me to ask if I looked like I would go telling.
“Of course not.”
On hearing that, I was, “Then let us love ourselves secretly until you gather the courage to make it public.”
But Hellen put up more resistance, suggesting I go get other chicks because she wouldn’t love her sister’s husband.
“Do you know how heartbroken she would be on hearing it?” Hellen asked.
In response, I told Hellen not to worry about Nyakato because I would handle her when the right time came.
Next, I told her that she wouldn’t be the first chick to marry the same man as her sister.
“Oooh my God… hear him talking of marrying,” Hellen yapped.
Next, she begged me to take her back because it was too late and she was very tired and wanted to sleep.
“I’m going to take you. But please, at least grant me just one request,” I begged.
Hellen asked what it was.
“A kiss,” I answered.
Only for her to ask what I was to benefit from the kiss. I gave her some lame reason.
Without much ado, we locked lips and started kissing.
I used the kissing opportunity to scan her sexy curves. My hands enjoyed her body. Mind you, we were kissing passionately, and Hellen kissed like she had missed or lusted for me all her life.
The encounter then became more intimate, with both of us giving in to the attraction we had been trying to hide.
Later, I asked if she had a man.
And she was, “Have you ever seen him?”
To which I was, “That’s good. From this moment, you’re my wife. If any man begs you, report him to me. Understand?”
To which Hellen giggled a “yes.”
I dropped her back in town and off to her sister’s I went to sleep feeling very excited.
I felt like telling Nyakato. I felt like screaming, “YOUR SISTER IS WAY SWEETER THAN YOU!”
But I held my tongue until morning when I met Hellen in the city and we continued our secret affair.
During the second interval, Hellen begged me to reduce my adultery or else I would infect them with AIDS. My denials fell on deaf ears, and part of the reasons given was that I was surgically precious.
“You must have slept with a lot of chicks to gain this experience,” Hellen reasoned.
She even positively told me three chicks she had been told I was chewing. Then she accused me of having juju.
She said she had always prepared to blast me if I ever dared beg her, but couldn’t believe it herself that I had subdued her without a fight.
“How about my animal, is it sweet or weak?” I asked, changing topics.
Hellen replied with a long stare before ordering me not to ask her such stuff.
But after a moment, she said, “It’s not sweet at all.”
And I was, “Okay.”
Only for Hellen to say, “It’s even very hard. It seems you take those herbs they sell around.”
To avoid conflict, I sweet-talked Nyakato into going for maid kyeyo in Dubai so that she would get serious money.
Nyakato left, and I continued my secret relationship with Hellen without fear or favour.
She madly fell in love with me and told their mother, who, of course, wasn’t happy but couldn’t stop us.
To summarise my mother-in-law’s words, she said, “I can’t stop what the two of you started, but I don’t want wars between my girls.”
I promised there would be no wars at all.
But just a week after Hellen secretly introduced me to her maama, I chewed a Sebei prison warden who turned out to be sweeter than Hellen.
The woman moves like a caterpillar in bed.
I will give you the juicy details of Afande Mangereza some other time.
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