BEARDED MEAT HUNT BACKFIRES! Mr. Hyena Receives 100 Kibokos in Love Scandal with Hardware Cougar
The Might Mr Hyena
“I had a dream in which you and Nurse Bianca were chewing yourselves,” Mature Joyce told me.
My heart skipped several beats, but I kept my composure as I wondered how she had found out.
“Really?” I giggled.
“Yes…” Mature Joyce replied before asking whether I was having an affair with Bianca.
I responded by asking what she thought.
“I think it’s possible,” she said.
And I was like, “Now, or when she was still living in Kampala?”
“People saw you entering a lodge together,” Joyce replied.
Since I had never entered any lodge with Bianca, nor even been near one with her, I protested and demanded that she produce those people.
“If they come and say they saw you, what will you do?” Joyce asked calmly.
“Cane me,” I replied confidently.
“How many kibokos?” she asked.
Since I never expected anyone to pin me, I boldly declared, “One hundred kibokos.”
The next thing I saw was Joyce scrolling through her phone and playing an audio recording.
It was a conversation between Bianca and Joyce.
After exchanging pleasantries, Joyce told Bianca how Tony the mobile money agent had allegedly raped Madam Damalee, shocking the entire community.
The discussion shifted to men’s uncontrollable appetite for the “bearded meat.”
“A man will behave like he’s your friend, but all along he’s after something…” Joyce concluded.
As I listened, my instincts immediately told me Bianca had sold me out.
“It’s true!” Nurse Bianca exclaimed.
Then she added the words that nearly stopped my heart.
“Even me, Mr. Hyena almost raped me.”
Hoooo!
I felt as if I had been hit by a speeding train. But I kwekazadi, twisted my face into disbelief and continued listening.
Bianca went on to tell Joyce how I had spent months communicating with her in a flirtatious manner, visiting her place in Gulu several times, carrying gifts and always promising that one day I would spend the night.
She narrated:
“One afternoon, he called and said he was coming to spend the night at my place. Thinking he was joking, I welcomed him and continued with my day.
“At around 8pm, he called again.
“I asked whether the bus had broken down, only for him to tell me he had already arrived in Gulu and was heading over. He then asked if I needed anything.
“I hadn’t cooked and wasn’t in the mood to cook, so I asked him to bring fast food.
“At that point, I thought he was only stopping by to greet me, as usual, before heading wherever he normally spends the night when he comes to Gulu.
“Less than thirty minutes later, a boda boda dropped him at my drug shop.
“I welcomed him wholeheartedly, thinking I was receiving a human being. Kumbe I was welcoming a beast.”
“He brought gifts, including bread, sugar and fast food for two people. I boiled milk and we had supper. I expected him to leave shortly after eating, but that didn’t happen.
“We talked until half past ten. At that point, my instincts told me he had come to spend the night. I thought of the repercussions of spending the night in a single room with a man who isn’t my relative.
“I pondered what my children or church members would think if they dropped by unannounced. I prayed to Jesus, asking Him for help, to take away this guy. But Jesus didn’t answer.
“As punishment, I gave him cold water to bathe. While he was in the bathroom, I spread a mattress for him on the floor and quickly put on bedsheets and a blanket. As I did all that, I was silently praying for protection.
“When he came out, he was like, ‘Eeeh, I thought we were going to share the same bed.’ Madam Joyce, I almost ran out of the house, but I composed myself and said that would be next time. Before going to bed, I put on two knickers as a precaution. I said goodnight and pretended to sleep, but I didn’t because he was still on his phone, browsing.
“You must have wanted to give him. Why didn’t you wear shorts?” Joyce scoffed, to which Bianca said she didn’t have shorts.
That prompted a question about carrying huge sums of money.
“I put it in a bag,” Bianca answered naively, and Joyce was like, “Era mwe bakyabba nnyo!” To which Bianca said, “I will buy some.” Bianca continued narrating to Joyce:
“Anyway, several minutes on, he seemed to sleep, and for a while things seemed fine. But I wasn’t taking any risks, so my guard was up.
“I don’t know how sleep overpowered me, but when I snapped out of it, I was shocked to find him lying next to me. I freaked and almost screamed. When I asked what he was doing in my bed, he said he was feeling cold and had come to share my warmth.
“I begged him to leave my bed, but he asked why I was behaving like a young girl. He said he had been preparing for that moment ever since he laid his eyes on me.
“Not fully understanding, I asked what he meant. He said he loved me and that tonight was his lucky night. I asked if he was okay in the head, whether the milk had drugs. I asked if he wasn’t ashamed to talk like that to a woman old enough to be his mother.
Do you know what that boy replied?
Bianca asked. “How can I when I wasn’t there?” Joyce replied.
“He said I wasn’t his mother, that age is just a number, and he was old enough to make me sing Alleluia in Chinese and nearby languages. Can you imagine!
“This Hyena of ours? I can’t believe it!” Joyce reacted.
“I asked him to leave or I would get up. Instead, he begged me, said he had so much love for me and wanted just one round. He grabbed my arm and made me feel his hard animal. ‘See how hard it is, if you don’t help me, it’s going to explode. Or do you want me to go out and rape goats or kids?
“And what did you do?” Joyce asked.
“My fellow woman, I knew I was finished. He was very strong, I feared he might kill me. I told him I was under Eva’s curse hoping he’d cool down. But he said I should let him test with a finger to confirm blood.
“On whose animal was he giving those orders?” Joyce fumed. “Mine… who else’s!” Bianca replied.
“Bianca, you’re very soft… Anyway what happened next?
“I told him, I wasn’t under Eva’s curse, but I had retired and handed in my guns. He didn’t believe me. He begged again, said just this one time. I refused everything. Then he tried to force himself.
“Nurse, you must have been interested. Why didn’t you scream?” Joyce asked.
“I feared he might strangle me. And what would I tell rescuers? That I allowed a man I’ve been flirting with to sleep over?
“You’re right,” Joyce said.
“Then Mr. Hyena got busy,” Bianca continued. “Did you enjoy?” Joyce pressed.
“Joyce, you are very crazy!” Bianca laughed.
“There is nothing as stupid as a vuvuzela… I tried not to enjoy, but feelings came. It had been a long time.
I couldn’t believe the lugambo. She was pouring out secrets like a teenager.
“Is he good?” Joyce asked.
“If he is good, I may seek his services,” Joyce joked.
“Well, the guy is a gynaecologist, I highly recommend him!” Bianca said. “Wanji maama! It’s like he studied everything. It was out of this world.” “Did you finish?” Joyce asked. “I didn’t… neighbours interrupted. A client had gone into labour, so I rushed her to the hospital and spent the night there. I survived by whiskers.”
Bianca left out parts of the story.
I was now in trouble.
“Now, Mr. Hyena, was she lying?” Joyce suddenly asked me.
At that point, there was no point denying anything.
“But I’m sorry. It will never happen again,” I pleaded.
“What exactly are you looking for in women?” Joyce demanded.
“You have wives and side dishes, yet you still chase my friends. Do you want to chew the whole world?”
“I’m sorry,” I repeated softly.
“No, you’re not,” she snapped.
“When I caught you with that fat dairy Hima, you were sorry.
“When I caught you with the mobile money prostitute, you were sorry.
“Now you’re here again saying you’re sorry.
“What exactly are you searching for in all these women? What are you looking for that neither I nor your wives have?
“Do you expect to find a woman with a vertical one?
“Or are you simply looking for AIDS?”
After a lengthy lecture, she delivered her verdict.
“Lay down and receive your punishment. One hundred canes!”
I had no choice.
Joyce helps me financially, and I couldn’t risk losing her support.
You see, she runs a huge hardware shop. Whenever I need emergency loans to grab cheap property deals or building materials on credit, she comes to my rescue.
So I lay down and accepted my fate.
Thirty kibokos later, she paused.
“Why am I punishing you?” she asked as she continued disciplining me.
But later that night, I found my own way of recovering from the punishment by chewing her niece—who is named after Joyce and works in the same hardware shop.
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