KWEPICHA! Mother In law saves Hyena from suspicious daughter
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“In – law, your wife has found out that you kwepicha with her sister,” my mother – in – law tipped me off. To be honest, that’s not exactly how she said it. She was like “your wife has found out about you and her sister.”
As an elder, she couldn’t directly say kwepicha so she used “found out about you and her sister.”
Madina is my favorite mother-in-law of all times. Can you imagine she covers up for me when her daughter Hamida catches me chewing other belles? Even when I was nabbed for chewing my sister-in-law Halima, Madina still covered up for me.
Gwe! Some women are sounder standing. Like two weeks after Kabashagazi of Ntungamo vowed to chop off my head for playing with her two daughters, I received a call from my mother – in – law called Madina. I instantly wondered what she wanted.
“Hello maama,” I said in the most humble tone. “Hello taata. How are you?” she greeted in an equally humble and soft tone. Next she told me how there was trouble in my house to which I curiously asked what the matter was.
“Your wife has found out about you and Halima,” Madina said.
My heart missed several beats. But my brain being the super computer it is, I instantly suspected Madina and Hamida trying to squeeze incriminating information from me. So I was “she has found out about me and Halima…what? What did we do?” I asked as if I didn’t know.
“My son, I only called to warn you so that you be on your guard, but I know everything. Halima told me everything about how you helped replace her missing teeth and all the goodies you’ve been giving her.
I know all my reason for calling is because Hafiswa became jealous and told Hamida about you and Halima, but I’ve deceived Hamida that it’s your sidekick Uchumi – who loves Halima. Hamida is coming to check your phone.”
On hearing that, I concurred with the “omwana omuwala asera na nyina” adage. I’ve never confided in my father any of my exploits.
“Maama – you should have kukunya Hafiswa’s lips with kamyu for doing lugambo,” I joked and then thanked her for the tip off. I then deleted evidence of communication between me and Halima.
Thereafter; I looked for Uchumi – who already knew of my affair with my three sisters – in – law saved Halima’s number in his phone as I begged him to cover my back and not to go behind it and beg or even chew my Halima.
Uchumi threatened to have his revenge because I had chewed his chic a year back. “Bro, it was Jackie who begged me to chew her, not me,” I pleaded. But like they say, ‘omukadde akwasiza kumeere ye’, Uchumi had me cornered. He insisted I pay him one gorilla note to go save his number in Halima’s phone which I did.
An hour later, Hamida came to our ka office and begged me to help her with my phone so that she had someone she wanted to call. I innocently gave it to her. She went and checked, but didn’t find any evidence. Next she asked Uchumi for his phone and in it found BigSize Saloon that being Halima.
Upon handing Uchumi his phone, Hamida who was wearing a mean war like face told me how I had to spend the night at her place.
“But the kisanja isn’t yours,” I said to which she was “don’t tell me your stupid bisanja…tonight you’re sleeping at my place. 7pm must find you there or else you will know I crossed river Nile!”
On hearing that, Uchumi jumped in telling her not to threaten us. “Uchumi stay out of married people’s issues,” she shot back. He raised his hands and surrendered. As I was “is there any problem?” to which Hamida was “no problem.” As she left, I followed her and pretended to be very concerned but she didn’t reveal anything.
Back in the ka office, Uchumi told me how my head would be chopped off that night. “Better give me something in your will,” he joked.
Come to 2pm as I chilled at Monica’s takeaway, Hafiswa blazed in. “Hi my sweet mula,” she joyfully said as if she hadn’t committed any crimes against me. Next she asked for a soda and snack on my bill. “Will I see you tonight?” She asked, to which I was “I have other programs.”
“Which programs? Chewing Halima?” she asked. I replied begging her to leave the innocent chick alone. “Don’t think that she’s like you – who kwanas sister’s husbands.” Hafiswa couldn’t help it but laugh at me.
Next she ordered me to stop pretending because they all knew about me and Halima. “You’ve been giving her gifts and sleeping with her…even the other night when Hami was in Iganga, you spent the night with Mima…I know everything.”
Before replying, I first switched off her phone just in case she was recording the conversation. I asked “suppose it’s true, how is it your concern? Are you my wife or?”
To that, Hafiswa was “Hamida is my sister, I don’t want you to infect her with AIDS and by the way, I am your wife! Is there anything married people do that we’ve never done?” she sounded serious like she meant it.
“You’ve now stood me up three times, but each time Halima calls you, you go running. If you chucked me, tell me. I don’t want to glue myself on you,” she rapped. I couldn’t help it but giggle as I uttered “WHAT?”
“Yes, tell me and I will get a new boyfriend instead of wasting my time on someone who doesn’t love me.” Hafiswa bubbled.”It seems, I am not sweet because when the sweet ones call you, you go running but we the not sweet ones you make us wait and wait. Tell me and I will stop wasting my time.”
To that I was “well, it’s you that started our affair you still have all the powers to end it.” Hafiswa replied with a long stare on her face like she wanted to slap or strangle me. “Naye musajja gwe okwasa obusungu!”
But what I had said was the candid bitter truth. Like five months back while I returned from servicing pastor Sarah, I stopped by a fast food joint along the Kawaala road to buy roasted meat and chips because Pr. Sarah had grinded all the food in my belly.
As I made my order, Hafiswa – who was passing by noticed me and stopped and asked me to buy her chips and chicken to which I was “how will I benefit?” Only for her to say “you benefit from my sister.”To which my answer was “then go home and eat what she’s cooked.”
On hearing that Hafiswa whispered into my ear “let’s go and we give ko ourselves.” Prior to this moment, we had flirted several times down that line and being my grandfather’s offspring, I was ready to bite Hafiswa at the slightest opportunity.
“Say it again!” I scoffed. And she boldly repeated what she had just said. Not sure if she really meant it, I said “let me first touch ko.” Little did I know, my sister – in – law who for a long time had sexual desires for me as I lusted for her was even on heat. She grabbed my hand and made me feel her animal.
“Madam also pack five chicken thighs and chips of 5k plus all the ebigenderako,” I ordered, driving Hafiswa into laughter. She went on to accuse me of being very funny.
One of the advantages of having more than one wife is sleeping somewhere else while each wife thinks you’re at her co-wives place. Officially, I have three wives which help me sleep in lodges plus legions of baby maamas places whilst the official wives don’t even suspect.
No wonder most belles kunyirira these days. Reason is they use any given opportunity well. After buying the fast food, Hafiswa said she wanted to drink yoghurt as well so we dropped into the supermarket and picked two yoghurts as I grabbed a big bottle of water, an energy drink and my favorite soda.
Now thinking we were going to have a quickie, I checked us into a cheap guesthouse close to the road so that it would be easy for us to get transportation to our respective destinations afterwards.
But once in the privacy of the room, I pinned her against the wall for a kiss. You see, she has Angelina Jolie-like lips which I had lusted for ever since I first laid my eyes on her. “Wait!” she exclaimed as she pushed me away.
“I only want a kiss,” I pleaded. To which she said “I don’t kiss.” But since she had pecked my cheeks, I knew she was joking.
Anyways, I kind of forced the kiss. As of course she fought but when the lips locked, she kissed back for about thirty seconds then broke away.”Tondetako bugumu lyo nawasiwasinze tebambugutanirako,” She yapped collapsing on the bed. “Where are the condoms by the way?
Or you think I am going to give you live!” Hafiswa went on. I replied telling her, “I never eat sweets in wrappings to which she was “Awo tubireka ssebo…whom do you want to infect with your AIDS.” Only for me to say if I had AIDS, her sister Hamida had it too.
In no time we were munching our snacks our legs entwined and she occasionally fed me ko.Questions like what I loved about her the most were asked.
The answer was the very thing every man likes about women being their bearded meat, but of course I had never seen it so technically I couldn’t give it as a reason so I said “Your lips.”
“My lips!” She scoffed. “Yes, I love your lips very much.” Only for her to say “so if I give you the lips you will be satisfied and we go.” My answer was yes, prompting her to stretch her neck towards me. “Kiss them and we go.”
“Well not just kissing them, but them lollipopping my Mr. Mister,” I said. Hafiswa settled back “tuuuu!” She spat before going on to beg me not to make her vomit what she had eaten. “I don’t lollipop,” she lied. I quickly asked why. “I don’t,” she insisted. She then went on to advise me to save the lollipopping for her sister and other wives.
Next she wanted to know why I was such a womanizer. “Why accuse me of such an evil habit?” I asked. But she stood her ground and told me how I was giving her sister sleepless nights. She begged me to stop.
I couldn’t help it but ask if she knew any chick I was having an affair with, “Jesca mobile money, the fuel pump attendant, even the ghost like Sudanese Dinka. Should I go on?”I had boned all the aforementioned chicks, but I denied.”Apart from my wives, you’re now my only other woman.”
“Hehehe.Go and deceive your naive Hamida not me Kauda Hafiswa! I am like number twenty on the list of side dishes.” Hafiswa used that happy moment to set terms and conditions under which our illicit affair would be held. First: No love calls or texts because Hamida regularly used her phone.
Two: no saving our numbers “you have to cram my number. After calling, you delete it from dialed or received calls. Three: no staring at me. Your wife is very suspicious. So if she’s around, avoid being around. Also from today no more flirting or even joking together. We are enemies!”
“Enemies!” I exclaimed then went on like “yet we are going to chew ourselves.” To which she insisted that we had to conduct ourselves to avoid detection. “Well you’re the expert. I will do as you wish.”
I thanked the Almighty for finally granting me the opportunity to enjoy this belle. “Please God grant me strength to chew her thoroughly.”My prayer made Hafiswa giggle then asked if I had always kwesunga her. “Every warm blooded man does,” I yapped. Only for her to ask “togenda kunfirako gwe,” I boldly replied positively.
Foreplay followed. Her body scent coupled with the fact she was a new animal had stimulated every muscle in my body especially the main one. But like most chicks, her body and mind didn’t quickly heat up to me, so at first she faked her reactions to my touching.
Indeed clothes hide a lot, upon stripping my sister – in – law; I noticed she didn’t have hips. Her booty was the kind my friend Dj Michael calls kamusongola, also her breasts looked older like she had breastfed several kids, yet she only had one kid.They were bigger than they seemed when in clothes.
Unlike her sister Hamida – my baby maama, Hafiswa turned out to wear waist beads and was neatly shaved as well as donning a G-string which cemented my suspicions of her probably having been on a bonking mission which may have failed.
On spreading her, I almost thought she was a westerner-everything was in plenty. Bat wings, walls of Jerusalem and even the happy button was bigger and longer than most. I made the kind of cross Catholics make before eating, prompting a light kick.”Are you going to eat food to make that!” she giggled and I was “of course, this is food.”
Without much ado, we got busy. Like they say “enkula y’omutwe yekuwa ensanirira”I started with akembarara as a way of appreciating the tiresome work she went through elongating. In no time, I was swimming in floods the kind a Bishop almost drowned in when he chewed his Reverend friend’s wife. It was like I was with a Hima or Mukiga from deep in western Uganda.
Now before going to chew pastor Sarah’s plump complicated animal, I had swallowed a stamina booster which had boosted my performance to like 500 percent. Pastor Sarah had only drained like 20 percent of the charge. You see, she had received an emergency call of her daughter going into labour. So she had given me one ka-round. So the battery was fully charged.
By the third round Hafiswa was “no wonder your wife spends all day dosing at work.”But good thing, I wasn’t rough. I only made good love. We spent the following two days chewing ourselves like newlyweds. Like every other guy that chews sisters or friends, I couldn’t help it, but compare. And in some instances, like Amazon style; Hafiswa was better than her sister. She also turned out to be creative, playful and livelier in bed than her sister.
Until her much sweeter sister Halima popped up, Hafiswa had long fallen in love with me and didn’t want Halima to be part of our love triangle. Chewing two sisters is great, but chewing three or more is awesome. It makes me feel like an emperor. Anyways, Hafiswa has been complaining about Halima for some time so when I stood her up three times, her brain over boiled and she reported to Hamida – my official wife in the family.
Let’s meet tomorrow as I fill you in on what Hamida did to me when I got home.
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