INDEPENDENCE BLISS! Mr.Hyena goes for celebrations, shafts Karamojong babe, survives being nabbed by SFC soldiers

The Might Mr Hyena

Before I tell you how I celebrated Uganda@60 independence anniversary, let me take you back. Whenever I heard people debate on who shot the first bullet and who did what during Independence Day, I would just sit back and laugh as I anxiously waited for the day.

I was sure the big man would clarify this issue which he indeed did in one way or the other. I was born, grew up and studied at Duhanga Secondary School, Hoima district therefore I couldn’t miss out on this prestigious function. In fact I traveled to the village three days before the function. During those days, I mobilized all my buddies to come and witness who shot and who didn’t shoot the bullet.

Infact, I was among the first guests who arrived at the function. On arrival, I was attended to by a gorgeous western babe. “Hello Honorable, you are very much welcome,” she greeted me, after which she directed me to the VIP section, where I took up a back seat. It seems people mistake my RAV4 to be the one of the Big Man’s. “Why doesn’t your car have a UG number plate? “The babe asked me, “I am exceptional.” After some time, a babe joined me. “Good morning….how are you?” this babe greeted me. “My name is Hon. Hyena,” I introduced myself. “Mine is Chotati,” she introduced herself. “Nice to meet you Chotati…which tribe?” I asked, and she replied, “Karimojong.” “Have you come all the way from Karamoja?” I asked and she replied that she was just a business lady based in Hoima. After some time, the function guide came to where we were seated and ordered her to leave, something that left me uncomfortable.

“Those seats are meant for VIP’s,” she told her. The VIP’s then began arriving. The likes of the Chief Justice, Deputy Speaker of Parliament, then Rebecca Kadaga, security Minister, and the head of public service were among the VIP’s who attended the celebrations. The celebrations kicked off at 11am but I was not comfortable with all the ladies who were seated around me, simply because they were all no-nonsense ladies who seemed to murder anyone who talked about romping.

Therefore, if I was to do anything “heroic,” I had to follow up Chotati to wherever she was seated. On leaving the VIP section, the guide asked me why I was leaving, especially when the Big Man was talking. “I already told you that… I am exceptional,” I replied. “But the PGB [now SFC] will think that you want to assassinate him,” she said. “I can’t do that, the big man is my buddy,” I told her. “What shows,” she asked me. “After his speech, go ask him who his best agitator is,” I replied. Reaching Chotati’s seat, she was getting up to leave. “Hello my dear, where are you going?” I asked. “I am leaving,” she replied. “No, I am not staying. I am hungry.” “Okay let’s go and take something then we come back,” I proposed, something that she readily accepted.

When the time of unleashing who shot the first bullet and who did what came, I requested Chotati to be attentive and hear my name. “Are you also a bush war hero?” she asked and my answer was a simple one, “Of course”. After the president had announced that the medals were divided into three categories, Chotati asked me which category I belonged to. “I am the most prestigious one…Luwero Triangle,” I replied.

When the big man finished reading out the Luwero Triangle medal holders, Chotati wondered why she hadn’t heard my name and later fumed accusing me of lying to her. “Let me even leave….how can you lie to me, is it because I am from Karamoja?” Chotati angrily asked. Guys, I was on the verge of losing this babe. I was only saved by the late General Elly Tumwiine who said that the list was too long and that others will get their medals at various functions.

“My name is there but the list is too long, haven’t you heard?” I said as I wrapped my arms around her waist. “Okay, I have heard…you are very lucky,” Chotati stated as she went on to wrap her arm around my waist. “Excuse me, I want to go for a long call,” Chotati said, after which she headed to the men’s wing! I decided to follow and guard her. When she came out, I gave her a very big hug. “Ehhh, from the toilets!” she wondered. I then caressed her and left her as wobbly as a windblown banana leaf. I then placed her on the sink and started drilling her oils. “Hyena, let’s stop. What if the big man wants to come for a long call?” Chotati questioned. “The big man doesn’t come to such toilets,” I told her. “It’s sweeter when the flesh rubs against flesh but the place….,” she added. “Okay, let me summarize,” I told her. I then embarked on drilling her oils as fast as I could, forcing her to release up two liters of el-nino. “Hyena, you know what, you are my hero,” Chotati praised me.

“Thank you but I am not a bush war hero, I am a Kandahar war hero,” I told her. After the praises we heard footsteps coming towards the loos. “Heroes are not only people who shot bullets now Kabalega has been added! They came complaining. “And the man who treated the president is not on the list! One wondered. “Ah haaa, talk about it,” the other said. “It seems the big man is coming to the loos,” Chotati worried. “No, don’t worry,” I told her, after which I pushed her back to the loos. “Hyena, another round? No,” Chotati said to which I ordered her to keep quiet, but she kept on murmuring. I was lucky enough this toilet had a crack within its ventilators. I just gave this crack a Mike Tyson blow which led to its collapse. I then passed through the hole and left Chotati inside. After the escape, I got into my RAV4 and sped off.



About Post Author