RAW HUMOUR! Mr.Hyena shafts three tenants non-stop

I had a foursome with three of my tenants to write off their accommodation debt. Lockdown and curfew indeed put women in their place and showed ninety nine percent of them that they depend on their grottos to survive.

Joan one of the most popular slay queens in Kasubi rented a room on my DMC rentals in Kasubi, she was supposed to pay me 100k each month, but always fed me stories of how the economy was not kind to her or how the other girls had not brought their share of the rent or “I’ve been sick” bull shit.

Somehow, I tolerated them, but one Friday as people were busy going for the weekend, as I returned from taking one of my baby mamas groceries, I decided to drop into that property and see how my tenants were navigating covid nineteen.

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In the compound of thirteen rentals were only the two boys who make chapatis and mandazi in the market plus Joan and two of her gang members. After checking on the chapati boys, I went to Joan’s door and demanded for rent. “Today, you’re all here so you don’t have any excuse,” I yapped.

Only for Joan to reply telling me how they had been out of work ever since the President declared a lockdown. “But food vendors like you, are allowed to work from 6:30am to 9pm why don’t you work then?” I asked only for Joan to ask who would be buying around that time “be it they want, they are so broke……beside, we have to keep a four meters distance,” Angel added.

“Even the President said landlords must not ask for rent until the corona virus has gone.” Angel went on bubbling prompting me to suggest they move to his rentals in Rwakitura or State house. My tone was serious and so scared them. “Don’t mind her landlord” Joan jumped and assured me how they would pay as soon as possible since the lockdown had finally been eased.

“But at the moment, we don’t even have food, we slept hungry and have not eaten anything yet,” Joan bubbled. On hearing that, I asked why they never saved. Suzan replied saying “zetukolawo zetulya” Prompting me to accuse them of being extravagant. “Seriously, you charge let’s say five thousand shillings each round. Let’s say, you get five clients a night, that’s twenty five thousand shillings, you eat fifteen thousand and save ten thousand in three weeks. I’ve left out one week to cover your monthly problem.”

As I said that, the belles were busy laughing and giggling “Mr. Hyena, if it was that easy, all slay queens would be rich. Would we be suffering like this if we made that much? kale nno nkulaga you can spend a week without even getting a client,” Angel told me. I rubbished it saying “unless if there is something wrong with you” only for Suzan to challenge me to get her one client each day.

“Why get us other clients when he – himself can be. Let him become our client and give us that five thousand each day,” Joan suggested. “We shall even give him a bonus of one night,” Angel added. Before I could put in a word, Susan- the stubborn one suggested I buy them food and they give me ko. She spread her legs and showed me the grotto saying “eri wanna egadda bugazi.”

An electric wave swept through me on seeing Natukunda’s pimped grotto. It’s like she used a whole forest of elongation herbs to pimp the grotto. Mega flips flowing from big walls. “Even this one is here” Joan who was sitting in a plastic chair slid her knickers aside and exposed her grotto too. “Buy us food and we give you ko. We won’t starve to death when we have our properties,” Joan yapped and then ordered Angel to show me as well.

Angel – who was sitting on the bed fell on her back, spread her legs, raised her bat wings saying “you’re free to start with this one.” Angel wasn’t wearing knickers. Angel’s bat wings turned out to be longer and bigger than her comrades yet she is younger than them.

I had spent the night drilling a prison warden, but my main muscle shot up like it hadn’t enjoyed a grotto in twenty years. “Come and get jalibu,” Susan pulled me in. She pinned me on the bed next to Angel , unzipped my trousers out of which she unleashed the semi erect mega viper. “Ho…..ho….ho……my goodness!” Susan exclaimed. Angel raised her head to see and instantly concluded that it was a product of faco.

I replied saying “mukazi munno bwakusinza bat wings toziyita mpanama.” “Ain’t this the one that got stuck in Desire?” Susan asked only for Joan to reply saying “It was a Somali trailer driver that got stuck in Desire.” I grew up hearing that story, but as I was about to tell them that it’s an urban legend Suzan had started lollipopping me.

It’s like slay queens take courses in lollipopping, they do it better than wives. It was as though she had all of a sudden lost her teeth and was now kunguguna with her kibuno which caused titillation to flow throughout my body. I felt so much energy throughout me. I felt like I was about to explode. My toes felt like they were about to blow up prompting me to spread them as I loudly inhaled. Making Angel and Joan laugh “Tonaba ojja kukuba nendulu,” Angel adjusted herself and placed one of her breasts in my mouth.

My insides couldn’t help it, but sing Allelluyaah thanks to the chemistry I was feeling. You see, I was feeling sparklings and fireworks exploding all over me. If not for the stamina booster I had swallowed before engaging the prison warden the previous night, I would have long fired in suzan’s mouth.

“What do you want to eat?” I screamed, causing wild laughter. “Chips and chicken” Angel giggled while Suzan and Joan laughed their lungs out. After like three minutes of laughing, Joan asked if chips and chicken was food! Joan suggested I buy them posho only for Suzan to protest. Over excited as I was, I volunteered to buy each what she wanted on the grounds of them letting me dance all the three of them.

The budget estimation was one hundred fifty thousand shillings but I handed Joan two hundred just in case. With the food problem solved, I reached into my stockings, pulled out four packets of condoms that were intended for baby Maama and Mrs. Defense. We made merry like the world was to end that night. As I took turns on them, I asked where their other two roommates were: “out of town, you will do them as soon as they return” Joan assured me. On hearing that, I forgave them all their rent arrears for which Angel and Joan also lollipopped me.

Thereafter, they wanted to know who was the sweetest. So, we sampled various techniques starting with doggie. Suzan happened to be the sweetest, but to avoid hurting the others feelings, I said “you’re equally sweet” something they didn’t believe so I said “during doggie…Joan is the best, but during missionary Suzan is so sweet and Angel’s cowgirl is best…she does take charge of the horse…the rest you’re equally sweet.”

“Sssshhhhhiiiia! Don’t sugar coat us, pick one that stood out,” Joan insisted and I was like “that would be Suzan, she is the best because she is even wearing waist beads plus she moves her waist enticingly,” I declared only for Angel to be like “Sssshhhhhiiiia!……..what do waist beads add to a belle’s sweetness?” To which I replied telling her how waist beads are a placebo. “However, Angel, you’re the tightest, your elasticity is still strong, but Joan is the warmest so you’re equally sweet.”

At the end of it, they thanked me for not being a condescending landlord person altogether. Joan pressed me to tell them what I eat or use to have such stamina. The answer to which was “the foods ie: enkobe, balugu, molokoni, munnaku kama, meat etc our hunter gatherer ancestors ate.”

“Is it the same which made your skewer that huge?” Joan went on asking. “That’s gym, weight lifting. Don’t you see the muscles…mwebereremu!”

“He uses his animal to carry the gym stuff,” Angel scoffed.

I couldn’t help it but laugh at Angel’s words. “This one,” I yapped, feeling the resting black viper: “It’s a family treasure passed from generation to generation…mine is even small and short compared to my brothers and cousins.” Before I could brag some more, Suzan interrupted me asking how many women I had danced to master all the techniques only for me to be like “what do you mean?” And Suzan said “you do it with surgical precision…no man has ever made me climax during goatee, you’re the first.” I was like “really!” only for her to swear upon the living God.

Thereafter, they bathed me after which it was time to go. However, before popping out, I secretly handed Suzan a tip of twenty thousand shillings plus my business card and off to Mama Ngiina , I went. I am now warming up for the other two. I promise to give you all the juicy details as soon as I’ve nailed them. And that was how I feasted on fresh yummy grottos.

Till then, I remain yours truly, Mighty Hyena.